Question:
Shabbos can be so hard. My husband is really needy for my attention and between him and
my children I’m drained. I have such a hard time figuring out who I’m supposed to be there for,
my husband or my kids? By the time motzei shabbos comes I’m done! Where should I focus my
energy?
Answer:
You sound like a wonderful Yiddishe mama trying to be there for everyone to the best of her ability. You are struggling to split your energy between your husband and your children. There is no perfect solution. It’s really hard to have a needy husband. Hashem should give you tons and tons of Koach. Hakadosh Boruch Hu made every human being with an internal alarm system.
Our alarm system responds to negative emotions and physical feelings. It rings when we feel threatened, stressed, and in pain. Hashem gave us this alarm system to protect ourselves from harm. By listening to your internal signals, the alarm bells ringing, you can keep yourself healthy. When an alarm goes off it’s a sign that you need nurturing. There are 3 parts of your whole self that require nurturing. The Ramchal says that we are made up of a Nefesh (emotional world) a Guf (physical body) and a Neshama (your soul). When you are attuned to your inner being and you listen to your signals you can figure out what part of you needs nurturing. When we ignore our alarm system too much, the negative emotions that are bottled up inside of us can cause chronic pain and emotional illness Chas Veshalom. Ignoring our alarm system can also break the system, by making the alarms ring too often or not often enough.
It sounds like on motzei Shabbos your alarms are ringing. You’re probably depleted physically and emotionally from taking care of your beautiful family. Now it’s time to nurture yourself. Ask yourself, “what do I need now to feel better?”. Please don’t feel forced to give to your children and husband when your don’t have anything left to give. When you feel depleted, it is important you take some space for yourself. You can then figure out how to give to yourself in a way that will rejuvenate you, and give you more Koach to continue your Avodas Hakodesh.