By Between Carpools | October 15, 2017
Your dream marriage isn’t about changing your husband. There’s a much easier way to make it perfect.
Sary’s imaginary husband was very warm and affectionate. He always greeted her with a huge smile and kind words. He bought her the perfect gifts and was so thoughtful.
Esther’s imaginary husband always knew just the way to comfort her when she was down. He would say “ I’m so sorry you are feeling this way, what can I do to make you feel better…?”
Leah’s imaginary husband always offered to clean the kitchen after supper and never left a mess. He replaced light bulbs and fixed broken parts as soon as she asked him or even before she asked him.
Devorah’s imaginary husband was so punctual and always accompanied her to events arriving perfectly on time. He took great care in his appearance too.
Atarah’s imaginary husband has that perfect balance of a gentle loving father and an authoritative figure.
We all have fantasies about what the men we married should be like. Your imaginary husband may be a combination of your father, brother, and uncle. Being married to a fantasy is both comfortable and safe, and very painful and lonely at the same time. Many women suffer from so much disappointment because their real flesh and bones husband is failing miserably in comparison to their imaginary husband. That’s when he may stop trying, withdraw, or become explosive.
When you divorce that imaginary man, you make room for the imperfect husband that Hashem gave you, who is perfect for you and your tachlis in this world. He is perfect for your growth and self-improvement, perfect for achieving true happiness by working to cultivate a beautiful bond in the face of challenges.
What you will find in the place of your fantasy is the imperfect human being that was chosen for you before you were born. Today’s society often tells us what our husband should be giving to you, or how his past and limitations are obstacles in your path to happiness. The Go4Harmony Teleconference you teach you a new way to think, the Torah true way. With the support of other women that are on this journey together with you, you will learn how your thoughts affect your feelings which in turn affects your actions, which in turn affects the way he responds to you. You will be empowered to become your best self while inspiring your husband’s best. When you let go of who you thought you should have married and let Hashem in your life, you will I”H experience true harmony within yourself and in your home.
When he doesn’t have the words to comfort you when you’re sad, you will learn to thank him for sitting close to you and then you will go call a friend.
When he feeds your children sugary treats before lunch you will let him know that your children will cherish the memories and then you will offer a silent prayer for healthy and strong children.
When he comes home from work hungry and tired you will let him know that you missed him (and then he will give you the attention you crave).
When you get lost in the car, you will super glue your lips shut and daven.
When you are depleted and he wants to go learn you will hire help to get you through the day.
You will get to know yourself in a very intimate way, what makes you happy, what your limitations are, what makes you tick, and that the way you treat yourself will teach him how to treat you.
Your confidence in yourself will make him confident in your love.
You will learn to focus on what you do have, all the blessings in your life, and not what you lack.
What you saw before as apathy and laziness, you will now see as calm, thoughtful and deliberate.
What you saw before as messy and disorganized, you will now see as flexible and easy going.
What you saw before as out of touch and flighty, you will now see a man who dreams big and follows his dreams.
What you saw before as uncaring and selfish, you will now see a man scared to disappoint you.
What you saw before as controlling, you will now see a leader with initiative who cares a lot about you.
What you thought was an imperfect man with Siyata Dishmaya, you may now see is perfect for you!
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